我的生活,我的快乐

I saw a friend's blogpost on her life this afternoon and so I thought I should revive this little space of mine. Not for anyone in particular to rest but an avenue for me to express my emotions through words and pictures.

Life is good for me now. Collected the keys for my little crib, hubby did the renovations. I am now left with the wedding preparations. I am feel a little jitters because of the big day. Hubs and I will be heading down to the Bridal studio to do the final selection and gown fitting. I can't wait to see how the photos look like!
till then. Ciaos!

Labels: hello, wedding

And so things between Alvin and I have ended. That's the end of the drama of 2 years odd. My colleagues and friends said that my story is like those Korean/ Taiwanese drama with loads of twist. I cant help but have to agree. Cannot imagine the kind of tears I had, how my family members pulled me out of the misery. I guess the fall of our relationship was due to his indecisiveness and my stubbornness. I am not going to blame him for whatever that had happened, instead, I have learnt from the mistakes committed in the relationship. It was a happy 5 years odd, and not so happy 1 year odd. I have altogether spent 7 years with this man and I guess the CNY incident was the last straw. We are through, we are done with each other.

I am now married to the man whom I least expect to marry. I don't know how and why in the world would I talk to a person who have irritated me throughout Sec 1. He was the one who made me cry all the time and I would pay ten cents to call my friend using public phone to tell her about how horrible this guy is and would request her to come and help fight him with me. (Yes, it's you! Mrs B. Chew. :P)

And so, this is how we started off.....

In March this year, Nic and I started to talk on FB (he messaged me first! :P) because he wanted to become a teacher.  After talking for awhile on FB, we met because I told him I was interested in doing Grassroot Activities. He brought me to MPS and that was how we started to know each other better. I remembered we could spend our time talking rubbish via whatsapp on normal days and I always smile when I recalled how I irritated him by correcting his English during my first MPS session. It was much fun! (his KARMA!) hahahaha. Then, we went on to cycle on Saturdays with the MPS people and I think we fell for each other on the Saturday when we went cycling together without the group. It was a Saturday. He waited for me to end tuition before he came over to Bedok Point to pick me up. We went ECP to cycle. It was a long long journey and I think we talked about alot of things. He even told me that if I were to go back to A, he would be very angry with me.

And so, things happened and we are now officially married in the eyes of law. We are in the midst of preparing for our customary wedding in Oct. Excited much I would say. I am finally going to be in that magical white gown. The excitement awaits.

I think this is the only place where I can rant my rumblings without having to worry what and how people are going to comment about me. I find myself being able to pen my thoughts in here without being judged. Reason being, no other people know about this blog.

The past weeks had been a torture to me. I feel so much like giving up on my pathetic life. So, what is love to me now. I really tasted the sweetness and bitterness of being in a relationship. I realised that the kind of love that I have for Mr Quek is really sooo great that I don't mind tolerating any kinds of pain he inflict on me.

Things between Alvin and I turned for the worse over the past weeks. I felt as though we first quarreled. Our future seems like a mist. Blur and foggy. Don't really know what is going to happen to the both of us. It is really those kind, either it's a make or a break. Apparently, from the various sources I have gathered, his SIL, father and brother were trying to break the both of us up because they think that I have not changed at all. So, they got their friend involved. They posted many close close pictures of the friend and Alvin hoping that I would kick a big fuss (which I was affected but didnt react cause I was quite troubled with what was happening to my friend.) Just at this time (coincidentally), I posted a few posts on karma on fb because they were quarreling and the bf hurled vulgarities at her. I was very angry for his actions because my friend didn't do anything wrong to go through such emotional torture. I had no intentions of sending him text messages to knock some sense into him because I quarreled with him because of the same issue last year. He also hurled vulgarities and spoke bad of me. (His words were really mean I have to say.) Then they were like saying that the posts are all directed at them. (I was puzzled because the posts that I have posted have no relations to that)

Here comes the geng geng geng geng issue.. The friend that they used to 'spite' me apparently fell for Alvin cause she bought the family sharks' fin and abalone for CNY! My heart literally went 'WTF' when I got to know about that. Being the SIL's good friend and his father's perceptions about me, I knew in my heart that it is going to be a tough war between me and her though Alvin said that he had no feelings for the person and that she is just his SIL's friend. This is because the SIL would probably ask her on more outings with her and Mr Quek. The father would encourage (Not sure how he is going to do that though) My feelings were all messed up. I cried very badly in school, didn't know what to do. I think the tears I have gather can fill 10 buckets. I kept crying and crying not knowing what to do. We continued to text like usual even after I got to know what had happened..

Things changed when I couldn't contain the anxiety in me. I decided, on my own accord to send him a text to tell him how I felt. (This was exactly what I texted.) "Something happened to my friend just now. She met with some problems with the bf because of some differences. She told me that they were willing to work things out. So I thought I have to tell you this. You are important to me and I hope that you can give us another chance to try all over again. I know and acknowledge that it is going to be difficult btw the both of us where the family is concerned. I believe we can work things out. I am willing to put in alot of effort to get your family members to accept me, I promise to give you the support that you need in life/ in work. We deserve another try in this relationship. I am not forcing you. I really really wish that we can give ourselves a try. Take your time to think through. I know you are stressed up with work as well. Don't leave me alone, we will walk this journey together." He didn't reply after that. His replies to me were super cold and I really don't know what to do. I went crazy, I went mad. The recent week was the worse because his cousin's gf actually texted me over FB. She asked if they could be of any help to the both of us because she knows that we have been together for a very long time and even have a house of ours. So, I asked her what she knows. She told me that the SIL's friend actually went to his Aunty's house on the second day of CNY. But she assured me and told me that she knows that the both of them are NOT together. She was all the time with the SIL and his father. I also found out that the father had been saying bad things about me infront of his relatives (which she clarified with me after that.)

Woah!  I totally went MAD. I cried and cried again. Things remained as such then on. I didn't text him anymore after that because I don't how to react to his texts again. I didn't know what to do because I really don't want to let go of him.

I hope god will make a way to help us to get back together. I really really really love him ALOT. :(  I really miss the happy times we shared.

Take 2! :)

The real happy times we had at Legoland last Oct

As the year is coming to a close, I want very much to review what had happened over the year.

2011 was a bad year for me as I experienced bad heartaches and pain. I was down with hyperthyroidism and had a hard time pulling myself out of the situation I was at.

I started 2012 watching fireworks near MBS with a group of friends. As the fireworks were blasting infront of me, I secretly pray for all the bad things to go, the good things to come.

Work
Life in school went on fine. I am given a class with strong dynamics. Although I had difficulties handling some of the children in class, I eventually won them over. 2012 had been a good year for both my pupils and myself. This year, the love between the kids and I is mutual. I love them to bits and don't mind spending a little more for them. When they are naughty, they make me angry. When they are sad, they make me sad. I feel like a mummy with 30 children. I am going to spend 2013 with this bunch of children again. I believe it is going to be another exciting and happy year with them because I love them and they love me. :) During this year, more responsibility was given to me. I was tasked to take over the Scouts unit in my school as the previous teachers applied for transfer and went for maternity leave. I had a hard time coordinating many things and was very stressed with the many things that were coming up for the year. I have been put into PE department where I was tasked to plan Lower Primary Games Day. I had loads of fun planning the games but tiring cause I had to juggle many commitments given by my core department and CCA. Having done so much, I hope to be given a decent job grade for the year 2012. ( I will only know this next year, in March.)

Relationship
Things btw the Mr Quek and I got slightly better cause we started to talk almost everyday. I felt so elated when he talks to me. It is like falling in love all over again with the same man. We started to go on weekly dinners. (I will tell him what I crave for and he would usually bring me or accompany me there for food.) We spent our Valentine's Day together with his colleagues around. (Better than nothing) Something big happened end of February, after he brought me out to have dinner with his colleague and ex-gf. I was accused of spouting untrue facts about his friend when his ex-gf asked me for his information. In return, I got to know some things which I choose not to believe from the ex-gf during the period of our 'cold-war'. I swear I was terribly hurt when I heard about those things. I was confronted the very next day and of course I panicked cause I didn't know what to do when he asked me about it. Thank god things between us didn't turn for the worse. In fact, he bought me a replacement iPhone cap when I told him that the previous one he got me was spoilt on that day. Things between us got a little better and better. In June, things btw me and his SIL turned sour because his niece told his SIL that I pulled her hair. (It was not a pull. It was a tug cause she sat on my lap when she was doing her work. I was deemed irresponsible and she said that I gave her empty promises cause I promised to give her an answer whether I would want to still teach his niece by Term 3 Week 1 which I totally forgot all about as I was busy coordinating the Lower Primary Games Day and Cub Scout Challenge. I decided not to teach his niece cause I have been given a whole load of responsibilities and also, the fact that she didn't improve at all. His SIL was so pissed off with me that she deleted me away on FB. This I have to thank god that our relationship didn't sour after this episode. I was so worried that I cried and cried while on the phone with Ping. Things became a little better. We have been talking everyday, we still go for weekly dinner (sometimes twice). I hope things between us will turn for the better in 2013. The new flat is  going to be ready in 3rd-quarter 2013. Hope everything will fall into place and I will see my happily ever after mid 2013. Hopefully next year, at this time, I will be blogging blissfully at my new place at Punggol Crest.

Self
2012 has been a trying year for me. I had to manage emotional trauma, work/ relationship related stresses. I find myself stronger mentally. I find myself being able to better manage my emotions and temper. I hope with the experiences god have given me, I will be able to better manage myself in terms of interpersonal relationship and love. I believe I will better manage myself in the new year to come. I have confidence in making the relationship between Mr Quek and I work. I wish for a blissful life with Mr Quek next year at this time in our little nest called home.

It has been almost a year since things happened and we are now on our way to recovery. Friends are asking me about our house, our wedding package and everything. I hope everything will still be ours at the end of the day. Look back at all that had happened, I have to only blame myself for taking everything for granted. I didn't nip the cause at the bud and allow it escalate to such a big issue. I often ask god why is it that I have to go through such a phase in life. Why is it that my life cannot be smooth and peaceful?

I have changed over the year. I stopped eating beef because I chose to turn to god for the faith and strength to carry on in life. I chose to tell god my problems and trust that god will plan the best route for me. It has been a year since I have stopped wearing the ring. It is kept in the box nicely. I will still take it our occasionally to look and reminisce the joy and happy things we did in the past. I learnt not to pick at every little things and learnt to look at thing with a bigger picture. I learnt that I do not need many friends, but a few of them who will support me of my decisions. I learnt to treasure my family more even though my mum still never fail to irritate me sometimes. I have learnt to not get angry at the slightest things because it is not worth my anger.

Over the months when we didn't talk, I also found out that your dad actually asked your friend to break the both of us up. I don't know what exactly your friend did to break the both of us up but all I know is I was utterly hurt when I heard about it. I heard from your friend's friend that she saw you holding a girl's hand when we were on cold war at Broiler. I was mad and confronted you. You told me that you didn't. I trusted you.

We are now in a phase where I don't even know what are we. I miss lazing on your bed with Yoshi and my chipmunks. I miss the cuddles I wake up to every weekend. I miss you calling me PIG. I miss the many things that we did in the past. The hurdle is now higher when things are more complicated. I really wish that things could turn out well soon. I miss everything with you. I promise I will not screw things this time round. I want to make it right and get married to you. I want to stay with you for the rest of my life. I miss you.

I do miss you, my dearest Alvin Quek.

I miss the little things you do but I am angry the way you handle things now. I know I cannot blame you for doing such things, I really hope that we can sit down and clear all the misunderstandings we have. Maybe it is because I don't know how to express myself using my words. Maybe it is because I don't know how to express myself using words but I am sure my actions have shown that I am willing to change for you. I am really ready to give you all I can because I truly believe that we can give each other a chance to try out and in fact do what had not been done better.

11octoBER
loves gold orange blings chipMUNK COACH

♥ JAS TAY

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